Food has ZERO moral value. It is not right, good, bad, wrong – food is not demonic or out to hurt you.

On my 99th day of carnivore – a high fat high protein diet made of predominantly meat, eggs, poultry and some dairy – I ate 1/2 an avocado with my pork loin.

I also committed to stop adding fat to everything.

Tracking my macros revealed that I was eating an entire days worth of calories in 1/2  my breakfast so lowering the fat and spreading my meals throughout the day was the only way to continue unless I:

1. wanted to gain weight or,
2. wanted to do OMAD – which stands for one meal a day.

Eating one or two meals a day works for many people in the carnivore, keto and low carb communities (love that for them) but for me – less eating makes me feel “unmet,” not safe and wondering when I’ll get to eat again.

It’s distracting.

I chose this diet & lifestyle because it spoke of freedom: not because it kept me imprisoned.

I am not weak, I am not willful, I am not apathetic…but I am rebellious and I know when to break the rules. 

No one person has come from the same background. We are all so beautifully broken by this wild world and it takes great courage to re-member the broken pieces of our hearts.

And everyone’s heart is a little broken.

Discernment is a muscle I strengthened in my yoga training 20 years ago. My teachers voice reverberates in my mind to this day…DON’T MISS THE POINT, KATIE! Because most of us do.

Like giving up any addictive substance dieting makes us vulnerable. We commit to changing everything we’ve been doing for the purpose of doing right by our lives; changing the trajectory of our health. It’s one thing to give up alcohol or gambling – but food, now that’s something to fight about.

While I understand and integrate the adage “food is medicine,” the wounded child in me remembers watching my two beloved parents struggle with it all their lives. They restricted calories, avoided ingredients and demonized food groups only to binge on them later. They both leaned on alcohol to quiet the incessant mind chatter until they simultaneously got sober in their 70’s. Whether they uttered the word: “I dislike my body,” their actions reflected it. I stored all of that information in my own body and tried reconciling through dieting as well.

We often choose what’s familiar, not necessarily what’s right.

The only difference between me and my parents would be that I would make it my mission & my profession to fix what was broken – and food would only be part of it.

Believe it or not, a conscious vegan diet was the closest I felt to liberated. Plant based eating gave me the freedom to eat without bounds and despite avoiding dairy/meat I felt the expansiveness of the entire plant kingdom at my fingertips – never once did I feel restricted. Had it not been for my breast implants and worrying that they were at the root of my inflammation (and innumerable trips to the ER), I might have never explored Carnivore.

Eating meat was my last ditch effort to reclaim my health before going under the knife once again – but alas after a valiant carnivore effort, surgery is scheduled for November 13th.

I have zero regrets. Not for giving carnivore my all nor getting breast implants. I do believe that in some ways my vegan diet was deficient in key nutrients I desperately needed and eating quality protein has helped to heal much of what ailed me toward the end.

I’m strict but not a vehement asshole especially toward myself – if the needle needs to move, it needs to move.

No one needed to know that I chose to venture from veganism but I risked sharing on social media in an effort to shatter some walls. One more ego-identity down for the count! I mean, does anyone truly understand petty until they lose bucket loads of followers overnight? Rest assured, I am not on social media to save my face – I use online platforms to exercise my voice. When you learn that people don’t come for You they come for what resonates with Them, you learn the skill of detachment. It’s not personal.

If you want to truly protect your identity: don’t tell anyone what you eat.

Defense Mechanisms I see blazing the social media trails:

Projection – an individual unconsciously attributes their own unacceptable feelings, thoughts, or impulses to another person. Examples include: Anthony Chaffee is a Carnivore MD who uses the phrase, “plants are trying to kill you.” After listening to at least 30 of his interviews (lowballing, probably more) his consistent premise that plants are out to ravage your life was more likely triggered by a childhood filled with vegetable-aversion (poor kiddo). He uses an exemplary depressive episode after eating his mother’s lamb bathed in herbs to convince 1/2 a million people not to eat a single plant (which includes robbing people of their one and sometimes only joy – a cup of coffee).

Black and White Thinking – also known as “splitting” or all-or-nothing thinking, is where a person views people or situations in absolute, extreme terms – either good or all bad, right or wrong – with no middle ground. This protects oneself from complex or distressing emotions often stemming from anxiety or fear of judgement. Examples include: those in the carnivore community making very little room for those who consume plant foods. The incessant shunning toward vegans, omnivores or animal based eaters is very divisive and only mirrors judgement and expressly a political debate – not one of acceptance. Another great example is mocking Vegans for making plant based “meat” products but Carnivores replicate desserts like “rice pudding.” Neither is right or wrong but the hypocrisy is painful.

Generalization – where a person unconsciously disperses the emotional significance of a specific unacceptable impulse or experience across many similar but less threatening objects. This creates a false sense of distance from the original trigger, obscuring the connection and shielding the ego from the true emotional impact. Examples include: the sentiment that EVERYONE needs carnivore. No. Not everyone needs carnivore but many people need to forego the Standard American Diet and stop hating themselves.

Magical thinking – an individual believes their thoughts words or actions can influence reality, even without a logical connection. This can manifest as superstitions, rituals or compulsive behaviors that are intended to prevent a bad thing from happening. Examples include: adhering to a strict diet of any kind and assuming 1 granule of sugar or a leaf from a plant will create a cascade of negative health outcomes. Or, assuming that meat will resolve all of your life’s woes.

Carnivore doesn’t get you out of debt, resolve infidelity or make your children more obedient – having a more respectful diet can work wonders for brain chemistry and help you cultivate motivation but carnivore itself is not a panacea. Consider Jordan & Mikeila Peterson. They’ve been devoted to the Lion Diet for years and Mikeila would tell you herself – she wouldn’t do it if she didn’t have to. Jordan, despite feeling better on a meat only diet still suffers from severe health issues including CIRS, mold toxicity and pneumonia.

Intellectualization – uses logic, reasoning and analysis to avoid experiencing painful emotions. Examples include: leaning on research articles, statistics, Lancet, NIH and Pubmed articles one after another to prove a point. At the end of the day what made carnivore a wonderful experience was listening to the story telling. People out to share their journey of healing. People out to convince others that there’s one only path to healing is destructive.

What I’m eating now

I felt like an infant introducing foods to my virgin palate. One courageous bite at a time and I’m back in plants’ good graces.

It started with avocado.

Then an orange.

Then papaya.

Then cucumber.

Then an apple.

Then kimchi.

Like I shared above, after 100 days of carnivore and steadily gaining weight I began tracking using Carb Manager, reduced my fat consumption and slowly started incorporating plant foods. The only diet I feel like I’ve ever had to follow was the one that helped me recover from Carnivore. Never once did I calculate macros or witness the number of calories I was eating.

I still haven’t eaten any grains but I have had peanut butter and tahini. I could bathe in tahini  (side note). I thought I didn’t miss carbohydrates until I actually started eating them again and now I anticipate how much they complement my meals. Considering how much more food I can eat in a day and watching how that food fuels my life’s demands leads me to believe the carnivore shelf life might just be as long as the vegan one – if not considerably shorter.

Why I started gaining weight after an initial weight loss still perplexes me but I know I’m in good company. It happens to most people who begin carnivore. What I do know is your body is THE SMARTEST thing about you (and your identity is the most fragile). It works around the clock without breaks to keep you alive and nothing lasts forever – especially your glycogen stores. 

Spiking my insulin ever so slightly gave me clarity of mind and movement in my body to get back to the things I really enjoy doing like Yoga and resistance training. It also helped me to shed 5 lbs. 

As you can see it’s not about “eating carbohydrates,” it’s about what eating carbohydrates allows you to do. For me – doing what I love matters more than adhering to a strict diet.

A typical day of eating

• Coffee + A2 milk & raw honey
• Egg & cheese scramble, piece of fruit
• Tuna + avocado, kimchi – piece of fruit or protein shake
• 2 seared chicken breasts OR pork loin + broccoli, piece of fruit or homemade ice cream

Most days I start with coffee, have breakfast, a midday snack and dinner.

MACROS: my goals right now are to eat adequate protein – I gravitate to 100-140g a day. I tend toward 120 or less carbohydrates and 50-70g fat. Thankfully this comes relatively effortlessly but I believe that’s after a lifetime of creating safety around food. I know when I’m not in safe territory – and I hope to help others understand the same and advocate for themselves.

The moral of the story,

How you eat is a choice – what you eat is a gesture. It boils down to self respect.

Your diet doesn’t define you – but if you assume it does this is risky business.

I personally love to cook – it’s an art form, an expression, a way I share my passion with the world – and I missed that about me. Food is beautiful.

I will not die by the vegan/carnivore label. Life is so much more than that.

I love plants and I love meat and most importantly I love myself – so much that I’m scheduled for surgery to remove my breast implants to ensure nothing stands between me and feeling my best.

Once upon a time eating a vegan diet worked.

Then a carnivore diet worked.

Now, building a diet that’s inclusive of both meat and plants is working. Most importantly, not being on any diet or using a label to identify my way of eating feels the most liberating of all.

Til next update, xo

Katie

Feel free to explore my Youtube channel – I’ll be sharing my explant journey, additional insights and of course therapy bits.