Welcome back (I say to myself). It’s been a HOT minute since I’ve allowed the words to simply flow through me on this blog – a place I once frequented.

Backstory on the Break:

I’ve been a tad busy: growing my private practice, tending to my children (2 and 4 legged), getting married, changing my mind. No biggie right? A little internal earth shaking never hurt anyone. I hate to refer to time as if I have little of it – I want to be a glass half full girl, we all have the same 24 hours in a day kind of shit but the truth is – Rome wasn’t built in a day and if one brick was placed to built my fortress and not a wall between me and the world we’ll chock it up to = progress.

Once upon a time I had rather grand intentions for this blog – I sent newsletters, I created Body Resets, I designed products – who was that? Where’d she go? Let her go Katie…

I thought I could find a bit of respite in my Instagram account enough to settle there. Settling it was though. A blog is a place people voluntarily visit, on their own accord. It’s not imposed upon you. An IG page is something people scroll, stalk and judge – is it worthy of my precious follow? Meh. Keep scrolling. Tits, ass, neuroscience – yes please!

I needed to come home to this tiny place of mine, the holder of some deeper more sacred thoughts, the stage I do my ballerina plié wherever the fuck I want, the wonderland of my rebellion. Ah it feels good.

Onto the Post:

Let’s talk about something I’ll make into a REEL into if I can muster the summary: Narrating Her Cycle.

I feel inspired to write this for myself but I’d be lying if I didn’t have clients who it also pertains to so this is for my ladies (and their gents). You can visit Dr. Marie Claire Haver or Dr. Stacey Sims for the full breakdown of what happens during your menstrual cycle from a physiological standpoint. I’m a writer, a therapist and a veteran chef – not an OBGYN. While I know a lot about my own biology, that’s simply because I’m the witnesses of my own biology. I hope this resonates.

Phase 1: follicular – this is the first week into a new cycle. It’s like a breath of fresh mountain air, right off the spring. Things feel clear and open. We start to make new commitments.

Phase 2: ovulatory – this is roughly 2 weeks into her cycle – ie. mid cycle. This where her happy juices tend to flow, she feels the most frisky, she wants to spread herself a bit thinner (and legs a bit wider…), she wants to make plans, say yes. Thoughts are full, energy is high, weights are getting lifted and her laugh is getting louder. We tend to love this phase. Our hormones are all peeking at their highest. Our hunger takes a bit of a turn but we’re ok with it, we know what we’re feeding.

Phase 3: luteal – oops, there’s the landmark. Behind her. This is one week to 10 days before the bleed. Things get a little – how do you say – annoying. Mood plummets (as does estrogen) and progesterone peeks. The shift in balance makes a lady question – what in the actual F is going on – but wait, breathe – she’s not meant to stay here. Like a Tsunami it’s only meant to roll in and destroy those things that are no longer serving her. She tries to ensure that what doesn’t serve her isn’t something she repeatedly calls back into her life – she thinks, why is this so familiar but different? It’s not personal but it’ll feel that way. She looks to the moon for guidance. She wants to distance herself from others, make her nest, burrow in it, suss through the myriad of thoughts she tries not to think – she needs a minute. And some chocolate.

Phase 4: the bleed, menstrual – sweet relief. She sits in the middle of the storm like a peaceful little monk and lets the rain come rushing over her. It’s a cleansing. A detox. The ultimate monthly do-over. She’s so grateful.

Alas, we start again.

look at this objectively. Do you see yourself? Do you see your partner?

How do you explain that to a man – you ask?

The one who loves and adores the side that coddles his comfort zone so much that he gets rather attached – he thinks – that’s my woman. Stay right there. Don’t. You. Move. When things take a little turn for quiet-town he wonders, why is she being such a bEtch (but he calls it a mood). Where’d you put my woman, that confident, no BS, sweet and silly mistress of mine? the one who makes ME feel good.

• If she’s honest you get every color of the rainbow. She’s vibrant. There’s a pot of gold waiting for you. You learn to appreciate all of her – the one who sleeps AND eats, the one who dances AND sobs, the one who shares AND breathes.
• If she’s dishonest you get the girl who dumbs down every color – even the brightest ones – because she can’t sustain the good if she’s too busy trying not to change. You get the submission. The one who rolls her eyes. She’s actively internalizing the world which is much too much to digest. Until she understands this she thinks she’s doing is right by the relationship meanwhile calling it sacrifice. She’s not ready to give herself to you – hence why women find themselves feeling better single because it’s EASIER not to explain this to a man. The one who calls her a bitch.

The moral of the story

You want a woman who’s objective.

The one who can stand above her cycle and say: I am here to experience all that I am, not just the momentary bliss. You’re welcome to come on my joyride. But not with your expectations. I see how I flow and rather than die in the cascade of fear that godforbid brings me right back to where I started, I will float, brace, breathe and rise above. A woman who embraces every stage of her ever changing body is a brave wise woman.

She doesn’t need more chocolate – she doesn’t even want chocolate, she wants her muscles to relax – hence the magnesium.

So how can she communicate this to her man (yes I am writing in a very cis-gender, heterosexual in script, my apologies).

Here’s what you say:

My love (the voice of your inner goddess):

• I’ve begun my luteal phase where I start to feel a little shut down. Some of what I need right now to keep a level head are: a little extra time to myself and less structured plans. I need to stretch and wiggle and rest and nourish. I don’t want to lose myself to this phase knowing it’s temporary – my intention is to move my body with grace and kindness, go to bed a little early and do some praying and extra journaling. Let’s keep the lights down, the noise low and things less personal. If I ask for reassurance it’s simply because these intrusive thoughts come creeping in and while they’re not mine – they’re someone’s – and I’m doing my best not to internalize them. Y0u can help me by:
  • offer gestures of appreciation, ask me how I am, express your interest in how I’m doing, you can listen and most importantly, you can take care of yourself. My masculine man – does it help you to help me? Because when you do I feel closer to you. I do.

Lastly, how I embrace every month, every cycle and ride each wave:

• I don’t attach to each phase of my cycle, I don’t call out a new identity, I don’t commit to a new diet or exercise plan. I’ve done all this before and it’s futile and full of disillusionment.
• I stay as present as possible and do the things that are Self sustaining such as: daily walks, bouncing on my rebounder, lifting weights (not too heavy), stretching, writing, sleeping & getting adequate protein. I work and feed off of my clients. True story. (I am so grateful for my work as a therapist).
• If I start to feel shut down I tell my partner and my children: “hey I’m about a week from my period, I’m noticing I’m a little less tolerant and a bit more sensitive. Let’s be kind to one another.”
• As much as women think they need chocolate, a pint of ice cream, mass quantities of grease or food laden in regret: I attune to my hunger. I might eat a little more. I often need to remind myself to sit down to eat because I get squirmy. When I crave something sweet I find alternatives that feel good in my body. I’m incredibly sugar sensitive; even 1/2 cup of ice cream I will feel the next day and it’s almost entirely from the sugar which is why I’d prefer a protein shake or a smoothie bowl. Sometimes I’ll buy a keto-cookie (something with alternative sweeteners not because it’s keto it’s just marketed that way) but most importantly, I don’t succumb to the voice in my head that says: toss those intentions in the fuck it bucket because it doesn’t matter anymore. Nooo. No. I’m not that girl.
• If I need to cry I creep into my husbands chest (he calls it his bosom, lol) and let the tears fall. He’s good like that and yes I got lucky but I worked damn hard for it too.
• And then I wait. I wait patiently. I walk longer. I feel deeper. And this is what makes me the woman I am. Because my cycle is something I understand and never forget to be curious about.

Stay curious loved one,

Katie