I get this question pretty often, both on social media and with friends. In a rather hush hush sort of way – some women want to keep it from public knowledge, others want to keep it from their husbands – either way it’s so personal and I support that no matter your level of comfort. The questions I’ve been getting and one’s I promised to expand on are:

• how do they feel?
• am I happy with my choice?
• what are the major differences between month 4 and month 8?
• would I adjust the size, if I could?
• how are my clothes fitting?
• what about shifts in my confidence?
• any other wild changes? judgements? Have I lost any friends etc?

Before my breast aug – I was a very small 32 A

Let’s do this:

How they feel, any lingering pain or swelling at the incision site:

My breasts have settled drastically. I barely notice them, but when I do it’s in photos. Aside from my boudoir shoot, I take a heck of a lot less selfies than I used to. To be honest, while I’m so so so unabashedly grateful and happy with my decision, I’m still relatively insecure about “showing them off.” Like I said in my initial post, my boundaries sky rocketed when I got implants. I think I used to compensate in the past for my lack of a figure.

The incisions were done in the armpit and if you saw my pits, you wouldn’t be able to see anything but whether or not its time for me to shave. Especially not that an implant was stuffed through a small hole and into my breast pocket 🙂 I have zero pain which I’m very happy to report and speaking of pain this whole process was relatively painless – on a physical level that is.

The incision site is in my armpit – it’s totally invisible. Still blows my mind a whole implant can fit through there and slot itself into the breast pocket…kind of like it was meant to happen ::wink wink::

Am I happy with my choice:

I couldn’t be happier with the decision. Best. Yet. What I struggle with is: I’m pretty sensitive to the thoughts and opinions of others (I’m working on that), especially people who have reduced me to someone who cares more about vanity than healing. The two are so intimately intertwined, maybe when I overcome this obstacle I’ll be better able to speak to it. I tried sharing some of these photos to my old instagram account and while I’m very proud of the photos (such a fun day shooting with my talented and good friend Jack Stepp) I feel like I lost some respect from people who turned to me for support in other ways. Where I thought I was helping in one area (empowerment, confidence etc) I was hurting in another (emphasis on the body, cringe for those who perceived me as objectifying myself). I can’t quite win on that front. Either way, it’s not my job to convince anyone I did this FOR myself, not TO myself. I’ve been doing a lot of detachment work both in my practice and personal life, which always helps.

The major differences between months 4 and 8:

Skin stretches and regenerates. My body has adapted to the implants so they look natural. Maybe they’re a bit perkier and rounder than untouched breasts, but it’s kind of like using a silicone menstrual cup – once it’s in and in the right place, you can’t feel a thing. I’ve been running, lifting weights and moving with ease. I’ve been sleeping on my stomach too. The nurses report that once I’ve reached a year post-op, my breasts will be at “full term,” and from there I can determine with 100% certainty whether they’re right for me or need any tweaking.

Would I adjust the size:

It’s funny. These boobs on my body, feel just right. In photos, I’m like – girl, that rack of yours. But that’s because I never had one unless you count the years I was breastfeeding. They fit perfectly for my body and I’m still insanely amazed with Dr. Chings eye for size and detail. He’s a master and worth every penny. I wouldn’t go bigger. I wouldn’t go smaller – goldilocks found her match.

How are my clothes fitting:

I haven’t had to buy bigger clothes. My shirts all fit the same – but better. My pants size hasn’t gone anywhere although I did appreciate a Body Reset or two during the first few months just to reduce some of the inflammation, swelling and to off set the month or two of minimal movement. I feel great in a bathing suit. I mostly wear bralettes if at all. They’re self sufficient for lack of better words.

Shifts in my confidence:

It’s interesting. I’m confident. And insecure. All at the same time! Wouldn’t you know.

Meanwhile, it’s not just the breast implants, it’s everything else I’m doing to change. I’m changing my branding. I’m changing my approach and how I convey my message. I’m changing how I heal and address my mental health and spirituality. Despite my inner Self having nothing to do with vanity, I feel new and at times, still a bit uncomfortable and that’s ok – breast implants don’t come with a guarantee. They come with change. My identity hasn’t changed but how I look has so my identity has to stem from something other than my looks. I cultivate new peace with it daily. And you will too if you pursue this experience – and it’s reversible so of course, there’s that.

As for friends

I’ve had friends state bluntly: you cannot be embodied with implants. My response to that is, I’ve never felt more in my body, more feminine, more empowered, and daily I work on being more detached. Since no one will ever know what it’s like to live inside your body, you’re just contending with opinions. I’ve had other friends who want nothing to do with the conversation and others who want nothing but to see me naked. My closest friends can and do see past my chest and into my soul – and those –  are the one’s I keep within arms reach. Nothing prepares you for this kind of shift, it’s not a big deal – and it’s a huge deal, it’s basically how you perceive it. As this year has come to pass, it’s been far less of a physical adjustment and much more of an emotional one.

Feel free to share this article with a curious friend or drop me more questions over DM.

Still Katie, xo

Photography Credited to Jack Stepp in Falmouth, Maine