Where shall we begin?

I have passed the 2.5 week mark eating nothing but fatty meat, eggs, some dairy, my morning coffee and I feel exceptional. But should you take it from me? I’m just a girl – right? Otherwise fit, seemingly “healthy”, stable, my life wasn’t falling apart, I didn’t have hundreds of pounds to lose, I didn’t have debilitating mental health issues – I was considered = ok. But here’s the thing.

I was settling.

I was settling for mediocrity

I was settling for sadness

I was settling for basic human emotions that are considered “just a part of life.”

I was beginning to accept that 40 years old just meant: suck it up and deal.

Irritable, bloated, so damn tired all of the time, vulnerable hair skin and nails (random breakouts and hair thinning) not motivated, full but hungry, sad….No, I wasn’t 100 + lb overweight, I wasn’t so depressed I couldn’t work, I wasn’t so tired I couldn’t clean my house – but “THIS” isn’t what I signed up for. “THIS” wasn’t why I was Vegan for 5 years, saving all those innocent animals and protecting the environment (or so I thought). I elected for MUCH more than “THIS” so when this was all I got and I wanted more – I figured I have to be missing something. What I didn’t realize was that the answer to my quest was behind the veil I was too stubborn to lift.

I thought the solution was in all the plants I was consuming meanwhile bypassing all the meat.

I made a simple Short on YouTube yesterday about the difference between Clean Eating on Vegan and Clean Eating on Carnivore.

I strove for years to “feel clean” eating nothing but plants, legumes, starches and things that grew on trees and bushes and in the ground but I never established that sensation – so I kept trying. I ate nothing but fruit at times. I Mono-Dieted meaning I ate 1-2 ingredients a day such as fruit and quinoa or cabbage soup and grapefruit. I ate plenty of plant-fats from nuts, seeds, avocado and coconut. I strove, I climbed, I sought answers and while I might have reaped a sense of control or superiority (terrible to admit) I never established a sense of true freedom or that long sought after feeling of Clean(ness). Maybe I figured that once I established a truly clean feeling I’d also feel happy? I called this – Redefining Our Hunger – all the while feeling like a slave to my own.

Where did the clean eating movement even come from?

The phrase “clean eating” was popularized by Tosca Reno, who wrote a series of “Eat-Clean” books starting in the 2000s. The concept, however, originated in the bodybuilding community in the 1990s, referring to a high-protein, low-carbohydrate diet focused on avoiding sugar, fat, and junk food to build muscle.

OUCH. Then I had this light bulb moment – No wonder I never felt clean eating beans, legumes, vegetables and fruit. Even if I did get close it was control I was feeling more than anything. The bodybuilding community missed something crucial – a competing female body builder sorely (SORE-LY) hurts herself by restricting fat. It is a terrible recovery process that I 100% don’t admire. You go boo – I’ll eat your butter. 

So what if you’re thin, strong and on paper considered successful? Should you stop there?

I didn’t work this hard to settle. Sorry. I was begging for more and continually getting mediocre. I created Therapeutic Eating to completely overhaul our relationship to food and our bodies meanwhile I was beginning to avoid the topic of food because I was silently admitting defeat. I was supporting my depressed clients all the while dealing with my own depression. I chocked this up to being a stubborn holistic Taurus who will climb all the mountains and swim upstream calling it “courage” – meanwhile resisting what’s in front of me. I promise I didn’t see it -I scoffed. In fact, I was too busy feeling overwhelmed by all the influencers touting calorie-deficients and eating nonfat greek yogurt and protein powder. I had to breakup with instagram and reassess. Avoidance is a tricky thing and rooted both in conditioning (attachment theory) and habitual survival mode.

Here’s the thing though:

I was getting better.

I have 2 years of sobriety under my belt – I stopped drinking in September of 2023.

I got rid of refined hyper palatable foods ions ago.

I had achieved my long term career goal and started my private practice.

Things that felt like far off dreams were made possible – and plants were a huge part of that.

I was able to laugh, hang tight with my kids and maintain healthy relationships. I had tools I had sharpened into skills and that’s not nothing.

My relationship to Veganism was a kind, balanced, intentional one and a lot of good came of my life while I was on that path. It wasn’t the demise of anything but there was an end to that road and it stopped when I realized I wasn’t going to feel any better. That was my sign. 

There are people who strike a balance eventually and taper off of Carnivore and into a moderate life of whole foods including some plants, fruit and starches all the while emphasizing animal foods. I love that for them. I’m personally not there because I happen to love this ketogenic mindset and energy of mine. If that changes I might make adjustments and I’ll be sure to include those here. That’s a hard future to imagine for myself when I know of hundreds of people at this point who are thriving from meat-only which makes me question – why dabble when I don’t have to? A narrow window can hold such beauty.

I need to admit that “extreme” is likely my comfort zone.

xo

Katie