not

I’m ^ sorry for what I said while I was Vegan.

I’m embarrassed to admit that I was under the influence that a whole foods plant based diet was not only ideal for me but ideal for everyone.  Generalization (a defense mechanism) stuffs everyone into one category. The only generalization that actually applies to all humans is that no body thrives from eating ultra processed hyper palatable and refined foods. We’re a very sick country made no better by our corrupt food system.

My story:

I grew up in Portland, Maine. I developed epilepsy when I was 5-6 years old. It was called Benign Rolandic Epilepsy – which was rare – but also not a life sentence. The danger of epilepsy is there are very few warning signs of having seizure and once someone loses control of their body and mind, they’re at the mercy of the storm passing and becoming conscious again. I was in and out of hospitals for blood work and at one point had various wires glued to my scalp to monitor my brain activity so they could try and determine when a seizure would strike.

When the epilepsy had run its course what seemed to be left in its wake was frequent stomach aches and chronically sore feet. Thankfully I had parents and grandparents who would rub my feet so I could eventually fall asleep. Since my parents didn’t understand the origins of my stomach problems they gave me a quasi diagnosis of lactose intolerance and sent me to the chiropractor to remedy what they thought might be a spinal misalignment. I’m actually really lucky to have had parents who cared more about providing an alternative approach and didn’t put me on a slurry of medications which could have resulted in many more side effects and interrupted to my fragile development. 

Once I made the fourth grade I fell ill in the Spring and stayed home from school for over a month because my nausea and stomach aches were so bad I stopped eating. In the face of food I worried I’d vomit so ended up bed ridden from weight loss. Once I had gotten so weak I could barely walk to the bathroom without fainting my father confronted me about hospitalization and said I either had to eat or I needed a feeding tube. It wasn’t the fear of the hospitalization but the tears in my dads eyes – I had scared him and I couldn’t bare making my parents worried that they might lose me. At that point my dad doubled down on what he thought was a dairy allergy and coerced me to eat a cheese-less pizza. From that day forward I got better. I resumed school after the summer. 

By puberty I had gained back the weight I had lost and by 9th grade I was a healthy 150 lbs on my 5’9″ frame. While I had friends and at this point was going to private school, I didn’t feel great in my skin. I had the sense that I was over eating and because my parents were frequent dieters I caught wind that if I wanted to feel comfortable in my skin I could try dieting. Instinctually I stopped drinking diet soda and fried foods and then later chose to become pescatarian. Quickly I dropped all forms of fat and opted for fat free yogurt, fat free cheese and canned tuna. I dropped 25 pounds in 3 months. While it was empowering to fit better in clothes, see my muscle tone and feel “prettier” my hair began to fall out, my skin had lost its luster and I had days where my body revolted so strongly I had to skip school just to eat whatever I could get my hands on – I was starving. My usuals were spinach salad with tuna and balsamic vinegar, coffee with skim milk and sweet n’ low,  shredded wheat with fat free yogurt, and steamed broccoli with brown rice. I was running a lot at the time too. My parents didn’t know what to say so they gave me positive reinforcement. I was praised for eating but I wasn’t acknowledged for not eating. To their credit, I don’t think they made it better or worse. 

Once my classmates began drinking and I tried exercising a social life I would join them on the weekends which would be followed by late night binging on boxes of cereal and making up for it in the days to come. I did this repeatedly for years. I graduated high school at the age of 17 and backpacked through the south west with Outward Bound for 3 months before going to college. This was the first time I noticed my period had stopped. 

College was wrought with challenges. I chose to study Psychology because Dietetics was daunting and the only two things that remotely interested me. My high school boyfriend of 4 years and I broke up, my mom was diagnosed with cancer, I was 3.5 hours from home and had zero boundaries. I’d scan the hallways after hours to see if leftover pizza boxes had any remains. I’d use all my spending money on vending machines. I’d lock myself in the bathrooms to purge in secret. I’d walk out with bloodshot eyes and puffy cheeks. I never knew about bulimia other than it existed. It never tempted me until I started using it to relieve tension. This became a 8-9 year cycle that I couldn’t quit. I began to rely on bulimia when I drank alcohol to remedy the quantity of food I late at night and to relieve the pressure I put on myself to maintain the persona I had created. Katie Trussell, dainty, nice, pretty and perfect – and full of dishonesty. I had a boyfriend I routinely ran from – he tried so badly to love a girl who couldn’t be loved. I still hadn’t gotten my period. 

Bulimia was probably the first hard pattern to break. Alcohol was the second. It’s often that Comorbidity exists in mental illness – Eating Disorders and Substance Abuse go hand in hand. You often can’t treat an ED while relying on alcohol but you can stop purging. You can stay sick but get better. Odd how those two things can happen simultaneously.

In my junior year of college I moved to Switzerland and Thailand, dividing the year in two. I studied Anthropology, Women in Buddhism and got my first real taste of spirituality.

When I was 21 years old directly after graduating college I entered my first recovery program called Food Addicts anonymous and partnered with a sponsor who walked me through the 12 steps and gave me a meal plan to help balance my eating. I ate 3 strict meals a day and everything went onto the scale, weighed and measured. Sugar, flour and quantities were not permitted. I tasted freedom for the first time so much that I resolved to go to graduate school for Counseling Psychology. I wanted to understand why humans are so complex and create such unnecessary pain in their life. Ultimately I was trying to understand my own pain. Was this my fault? Was it my parents fault? Is this just being human? What’s society’s role? 

But first – I moved to Italy for a gap year. I trained to become an English teacher in Spain and got my first job in Reggio di Calabria. I lived there for a year, continued my recovery at a distance and returned home once I was enrolled. Upon landing in the US I was told that a close friend of mine had died in a freak accident. In utter shock I deferred from school and bought a one way ticket to Hawaii and packed one suit case. I left for Kauai not knowing I wouldn’t look back. That was 20 years ago.

Still no sign of my period.

In the 12 years I was on Kauai I apprenticed with an Ayurvedic practitioner, became a registered Yoga Teacher and amidst teaching also became a private chef for an elite vacation company. All the while living on a farm. By 2011 signs of my period returned but nothing definite – I was sure I wasn’t destined to become a mother. I was diligent with acupuncture and by this point had tried: Raw Vegan, Vegan, Juice Cleansing, Vegetarian, Paleo and resorted back to Veganism. It was my safe space you could presume. My partner at the time was very supportive despite being controlling – he wanted the best for me. He flew me to Oahu so I could take a 6 month hiatus and reenter eating disorder recovery. I went to Ai Pono in Honolulu to further address my food fears and addiction. Despite his faith in me and what I learned about “Eating in the light of the Moon,” I still couldn’t be loved. I hated myself and my relationship to life.

On wildly fateful afternoon I met my kids’ father and 9 months later got pregnant. The shock was shared between he and I. I hadn’t menstruated at this point for a full decade. I must have, however, begun ovulating – which makes the whole process possible. I had my two children, Shea and Bear, while stewarding 8 acres of farm land raising chickens, pigs, horses, goats and providing community garden plots to families. While I was doing noble work and raising little humans I felt a deep urge to continue my work – I loved motherhood but I craved more and knew deep down I’d need to support them better financially. I wasn’t fully recovered from my eating disorder but the bulimia had ceased. After 6 years on the farm we moved to Oahu so my children’s father could pursue a career change and I could undertake my Masters in Marriage and Family Therapy. 

I graduated in 2020, right after the covid lockdown. My children’s father and I separated and I was unemployed living as a single mother on an island I had very few friends and connections. It was at this time that I created Therapeutic Eating, LLC – my mission was to bring self care and nutrition into the the field of therapy so all people could address their problems with a solid nutritional foundation. I made a gross assumption that we all needed to address our Hunger – for life, for passion, for purpose and to feel good. I had a kind of gusto that propelled and inspired me.

Here is when I wish I had given Carnivore a fighting chance. Ironically I tried it for 20 days but without proper support and because I was ill prepared for the body re-composition I got scared. I hadn’t surrendered alcohol yet, I was attached to dark chocolate and I jumped way too far into the deep end that I had to resurface doing something that felt familiar – alas, Veganism, but hard Vegan, level 5 vegan. 

I dove into High Volume, low fat, moderate protein plant based eating with a huge emphasis on sweet potatoes, soups, green drinks, flax crackers and “resetting” every 3 months. To be fair – I felt incredible. I felt powerful. I felt in charge of my destiny. I was employing everything I learned about manifesting my destiny from Esther Hicks and the teachings of Abraham. I was positive and outspoken. I wrote a 72 page cook book and Therapeutic Eating program. I enlisted groupies and made friends who clung to my message. I did this for 5 full years – years full of ups and downs, trauma, losses, character building and moves across the island. Let me be VERY clear: I have zero regrets. 

It was in my die hard approach to the Vegan lifestyle that I realized I’m not a moderate person. I learned that moving from certain extremes isn’t a character flaw or defect it’s a sign of devotion. I was committed until I was betrayed and I was damn well sure I wasn’t going to the be the one who cheated. 

A more in-depth part of the story that would otherwise be left out but is clinically important:

• My parents had a very difficult relationship – my mom was in the middle of a separation to my father when she was pregnant with me
• My mom and dad didn’t get back together until I was one year old
• I wanted my parents to divorce all my life, despite their 46 year marriage & commitment it was very hard to watch
• My parents relationship – and my beliefs about their dynamic – made me very jaded about love, commitment and marriage in general. It’s no wonder I became a Marriage and Family Therapist!
• Both of my parents struggled with their own eating disorders, closet binging and alcoholism
• I love my parents despite it all. I’m grateful and wouldn’t change anything about my past. I maintain a very close relationship to my mother and love my father mostly at a distance.
• I share this because this is what therapists would otherwise uncover in dismantling a patient’s story.

Here’s what happened to my body that lead me to believe the answer wasn’t in the plants once and for all:

• 5 trips to the ER in 2 years – UTI’s, the flu, chronic spinal pain, unexplained bleeding
• Severe lower back pain from a lifting injury which resulted in whip lash
• Repeated chiropractor visits to address my bones and muscles
• Increased anxiety
• Reduced resilience – I had a couple abortions from a boyfriend who didn’t want to be a father, who didn’t cover the cost of the procedure and who ran to Florida leaving me to handle it. After one particularly difficult procedure I was left hemorrhaging and for 3 months my hormones took a dive. I lost 16 lbs on an existing small frame. One year later, I struggled rebounding from a relationship wound that could have taken 6 months to recover from but took 18. I believe meat doesn’t just buffer the body from pain, it nourishes neuronal pathways. 
• I was starting to go to bed at 8 pm and waking up tired
• I was drinking a quadruple espresso in the morning, a matcha in the afternoon and a pre-workout all in one day
• I had stopped running
• I didn’t have energy to play with my kids anymore
• I was spending insane amounts of money on supplements and skincare treatments to help me feel better about my appearance

I wasn’t okay. To continue doing what I was doing would have been inane and I wasn’t willing to admit both defeat and stupidity. Something had to give. 

Which brings me to today. 

30 days into Carnivore and this is what I’m experiencing:

• full remission of my symptoms
• Zero bloat
• Balanced hunger signals
• Deep sleep
• Calm thoughts
• Zero food noise
• Less spending even though meat is expensive, I need less to survive
• More grounded thoughts
• More patience and energy with my kids
• Work motivation like I’ve never had before: within 1 week of carnivore I prayed to god to help me clarify my mission, buffer my bank account and to give me faith that I was on the right track. Let’s just say He delivered. 
• I’m closer to the people I love
• My bowels are regulating
• Whatever I might have attributed to breast implant illness completely went away
• I smell GREAT (everywhere…)
• My family, while they’re surprised and a bit skeptical are happy to see me happy

The people I praise for getting me here:

• Mikeila & Jordan Peterson
• Kelly Hogan from My Zero Carb Life
• Kerry Man from Homesteadhow
• Dave Mac from No Carb Life
• Dr. Shawn Baker
• Bella from Steak and Butter Gal (SBG)
• Dr. Ken Berry
• Dr. Elizabeth Bright
• Dr. Kiltz
• Dr. Anthony Chaffee from the Plant Free MD
• Dr. Chris Palmer – advocate for Mitochondria & Metabolic Disorders causing Mental Disorders
• Ironically, reading the book: Eating Animals (I realized quickly that boycotting meat wasn’t noble it was naive).
• Die hard vegans who will forfeit their health over humanity
• Mic the Vegan for interviewing Bella from SBG and hearing her testimonial and listening at all the vegans make their arguments. They didn’t stand a fighting chance not to mention the vegans looked either gaunt OR over weight

You could say I’ve been doing my research. 

I’ve nurtured my Youtube Channel and I have a LONG way to go but I’m working on it. Mostly working on using my voice and cultivating confidence and my bigger message.

If this has sparked curiosity or interest I URGE you go to further. Go now. You literally don’t have any time to waste. If you’re fearful, write it down or share it with a friend or a therapist. Then do it anyway. Take the risk.

Pain, anxiety, depression, obesity, autoimmune conditions, skin conditions – eczema, psoriasis, acne, even cancer…don’t get worse in a ketogenic state, they get better. It’s worth understanding the Proper Human Diet and to trust your body can and will reach its optimum state of healing. 

I pray you’ll find your footing. 

Don’t hesitate to ask me questions!

Xo

Katie

Here’s a helpful therapeutic tool you can use to think of your own life and the journey you’re about to take!

hope this helps!