We’ve talked about forgiveness before and we’re going to talk about it again. Why?

Because hindsight is ALWAYS 2020.

I should have.

Could have.

Would have.

If you’re joking now like hindsight is also “2021” as if this year hasn’t been crazy enough – I’m with you. It’s historical. Is it over yet? Hindsight is also 2021.

The power of hindsight: the beautiful truth of being a fallible human. How do you move forward when you know you could have done things better. Chose alternative actions. Been a more pristine reflection of the You you know you are.

Here’s a therapeutic peephole into nixing the self dialogue that keeps us in a toxic state of a regret and an open space of not just forgiveness but self improvement:

  1. Remember that nothing is put in your path for nothing. Nothing happens for nothing. Everything is something. Can I dumb that down anymore? 😆
  2. What did you learn? Oh wait – you knew that already? Well, apparently you missed something. Great – what was it? Write it down. Sure you’re probably pissed you have to learn it again but guess what, in theory it wasn’t an exact replica of the first (or e’hem second or third) experience so what’s different? Hint, you’re an ever evolving vessel of experience and perspective. Even the most close minded can pin point examples of what changed and what hadn’t.
  3. So you’re upset. Where does that feeling lie in your body? If it could speak what would it say? Example, My Stomach. My stomach says, I feel empty, alone, angry (or obscenities). Good. You’re human. Which is important because robots aren’t super resilient – but you are.
    1. My body would say:
    2. My body would say:
    3. My body would say:
    4. Now that you hear what your body would say and where you feel the sensation – what’s your response to that? _________________________________________________________________. What does that part of you need? Can you give it some or all of what it’s asking for? Example: rest, nurturance, tea, hydration, movement etc.
  4. What kind of pressure were you under – or what kind of pressure did you put on yourself ? This is important because going forward you can choose to remain aware of who and what affects your actions. Avoidance is indicative of a deeper issue we can address in therapy. Example: I felt really triggered the morning of the incident. I remember swallowing a lot of my emotions; I froze (or ran or fought). I remember questioning if I was in the right place. I recall feeling triggered. Excellent. Now take this and remember that the next time you feel you’re in a similar place best practice is to prepare yourself beforehand. There’s something in therapy we call, “Going Home.” Our parents, the houses or towns we grew up in tend to cause a ripple of emotions that trigger reactions or avoidance. Emotive experiences cause us to lean into and embrace or bypass all together. For a lot of us having done a lot of recovery work over the years, we start by tip toeing.
  5. What understanding about the CONTENT & CONTEXT do you have now that you didn’t before?
    1. Content:
    2. Context:
  6. If you chose a particular action or reaction to a person place or thing – what was in your control and what wasn’t? Were you rested? Had you drank the night before? How was your body-dialogue? Where were your finances? All things that can impact how we relate to others….

Now that you’ve begun exploring some of what happened – how do you feel about yourself? About the incident? About the people who surrounded you? About what you might do differently?

  1. Myself:
  2. The incident:
  3. The people around me at the time:
  4. What will I do differently next time:

*Next. Talk to God. Yes. At the end of the day you can do forgiveness work on yourself but it has to go somewhere. Give it away. Up Up and AWAY! Ask for help. Ask for forgiveness. Ask to be relieved of the mental and emotional battle of regret, remorse and toxicity so you can progress forward. Humility is like magic. Poof.